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The clowns over at the Onion's AV Club have whipped up a series of fake captians at the expense of Law & Order SVU star Ice T. You can see them all here.
Before he was hard nosed detective Odafin Tutuola on Law & Order: SVU - or before he was T-Saint in Tank Girl for that matter, Ice-T was a rapper. In 1988 I bought Power - a gritty album full of street hustler tales over dope break beats. Dig the classic "High Rollers".